Something Went Wrong Serverely Wrong!
by Mister Jackkkk
Summary: During Potions, Mister's Potter and Malfoy have a tiff, Neville's potion is thrown and the fighting teens are caught in it. What happens you ask? You'll just have to keep reading. POV change each chapter. Rated M for swearing and possible nudity.
1. Another Perfect Mistake

**Something Went Wrong… Severely Wrong!!**

**Chapter One: Another Perfect Mistake.**

_Was it newt eye first, wait five seconds to simmer THEN add the toad gizzard or the other way around?_  
'Shut up, Potter!'  
'Make me, Malfoy!'  
I cringe as a ladle is thrown across the room; my sweat drips from my hairline like a running tap.  
_Uh, maybe it was just the intestines of the toad with the newt eye…  
_A hex is thrown; I wipe the salty waste away from my eyes.  
_Now that I think about it… maybe there was no toad at all…_  
'Look what you did to my new robes Weasley!'  
'I think it's an improvement!'  
Harry snorts and I swallow a large lump.  
'Er… Hermione?' I look to her, she's lost behind a head of increasing frizzy hair. 'Umm… never mind…' I mumble.  
Green sparks flash across the room as Pansy Parkinson throws a hex of her own.  
'Watch it!' shouts Ron, 'you might hit Malfoy's "pretty" face!'  
Harry and Ron share a high-five.  
Ron glances at me and my cauldron.  
'N-no! Please! Ron!'  
Of course my pleas are unheard as Ron hexes my cauldron across the room.  
It bounces off Harry's head, spilling the liquid and then hurtles towards Malfoy's "pretty" face.  
The violet slosh soaked through the once conscious Malfoy, the same with Harry.  
The muck glowed neon pink as it quickly entered the boys' skin.  
'What did you DO?!' cried Hermione, taking a few steps back from the mixed-up potion.  
'It was Neville's potion!' Ron shot back, 'I never meant to hit Harry with it!'  
'That's beside the point,' snarled Professor Snape from the door, 'I leave this room for five minutes and you and Mr. Potter deem it acceptable to trash it.'  
He magicked my mistake away and checks on Malfoy.  
'50 points from each individual involved,' his frown increased with each exaggerated word, 'that means, Weasley, Potter, Longbottom and Malfoy, correct?'  
No one spoke; myself out of fear towards the slimy old git.  
'Class dismissed early so, no more damage can be made to my classroom,' he grabs Malfoy around the middle, 'Weasley, grab Potter,' his eyes land on me and a smirk graces his face, 'Your grandmother shall hear of this Mr. Longbottom.'  
He exits with Harry and Ron in tow.  
Another fine moment for the Longbottom's.

**A/N  
Yes, it's short but, I just needed to get it started, I'm hoping you'll all enjoy this fic as much as I am enjoying writing it.  
Again, I must thank Lucretia for being my muse, and I'm guessing you'll have to thank her too considering plot bunnies just aren't my thing at the moment and I'm using her computer to get this all to you!  
In the next chapter, what can we expect from Neville's potion? The only thing I can say is a lot of fun and hopefully giggles on your end of the monitor!  
Stay tuned fanficcers! I'm gonna have to finish this before the weekend, so, let's see if my brain can work that hard!  
Waiting for your awesome evaluations!  
.Mister Jackkkk. ^_^**


	2. Effects Take Place

**Something Went Wrong… Severely Wrong!!**

**Chapter Two: Effects Take Place.**

I blink. White high ceiling and two blurry faces in my vision.  
I clear my throat.  
'Now, don't panic Potter,'  
'What happened… to my voice? Wha-' I clear my throat again, 'Please… let that be the only side effect to Neville's potion.'  
'Think again, Potter,' snarls a slightly higher pitched but, well known tone.  
I sit up and look towards the voice.  
There stood a girl; a very pretty girl… mid-length silvery, blonde hair, stunning, angry grey eyes. Nice bust size too… probably would look better in a bra though… hang on…  
'Malfoy?' a voice squeaks… it can't be mine.  
'Why don't you check yourself out, Potter.'  
I leap from the bed, heading towards a full-length mirror.  
'Your glasses mist- … your glasses,' said Professor Dumbledore, handing them to me.  
A girl stood in the reflective glass.  
Mid-length dark messy hair, it curled and waved in odd almost windswept directions; scared, dazzling green eyes staring at me, a slightly smaller bust than… Malfoy's…?  
I touched my groin, the girl did the same… my hair… again the move is mimicked. Lastly, squeezing my eyes shut, I place my open palm to my chest and receive a handful of warm flesh under my sweater…  
'Oh, God…'  
'You're reaction is slightly more controlled than Malfoy's, which I'm glad to hear,' said Madame Pomfrey, 'ladies shouldn't talk like trailer trash!'  
'I'm not a bloody lady!' screamed a female Malfoy.  
I spin to face him.  
'What did you do?!' I squeak again.  
'What did _I_ do?!' Malfoy's voice rose, 'It's what your dimwitted boy friend did! Throwing that poisoned potion!' Malfoy's voice reached a surprisingly high octave.  
'My boyfriend! Ron is my best mate!'  
'With privileges,' he… no… she snorted.  
'Like I'm sure you are with those ape-like friends of yours!' I glared.  
'Totally,' Malfoy rolled her eyes, arms folding under her large breasts, making them bounce with the sudden movement. 'Having a mood swing Potter? Think you're on your rags?'  
'What!?' a blush races across my new feminine features. 'I'm not the one who needs a bra! Get used to it Malfoy, it'll be the largest thing you own on your body in your life!'  
'Look whose talking!' he screeched, flicking one of mine.  
'Hey! Don't touch!' I cover my body protectively.  
'Why? Enjoyed it a little too much? Getting a bit _wet_ down there? You sick bastard!'  
There is no way in Heaven or Hell that I would admit to him that the pain in my abused nipple tingled in a little too pleasing way.  
'Fuck you, Malfoy!'  
'I'm sure if I had my penis you'd like that very much wouldn't you?'  
I stormed out.  
I have to talk to- I can't talk to Ron about this! What does he know about girls? This is yet again another situation for Hermione's knowledge.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

I enter the common room; it's late but, I know Ron and Hermione will still be up waiting for me… Oh great… Ron… I don't want him to see me like this!  
I pull down on my sweater trying to flatten the extra bit of flesh.  
'Harry! I'm so, sorry mate!' Ron's eyes bulge, 'er… Harry… what exactly did Neville's potion do to you?'  
Hermione squealed, 'the potion turned you into a girl!'  
'Nice observation,' my bottom lip juts out in an obvious pout; I pull the lip under my teeth. 'What am I supposed to do? I can't stay like this!'  
Hermione calmed herself and Ron attempted to resist the urge to check out my new features.  
'Well, last time Neville mucked up a potion his hair was blue for five months,' stated Hermione.  
'Oh yeah, I remember that!' Ron smirked as he began reminiscing, 'The Ravenclaws wanted to use him as their Quidditch mascot.'  
I groan.  
'I can't be a female for five months! This could affect everything!' I dump myself in an armchair and start to brood.  
'Like what? Quidditch? Your studies?' Hermione places her hands on her hips, 'Have you forgotten that there are females doing those same things?'  
My pout increases and I stare into the fire place.  
'Tomorrow is Saturday.'  
'So?' asked Ron.  
'_So_, Hogsmeade trip. Harry, I'm going to take you shopping, until then, you'll have to borrow some of my clothes.'  
'What! What's wrong with the ones I've got?'  
'For one thing, they're Dudley's hand-me-downs; a belt won't hold up those trousers on those hips for long!'  
She is right of course.  
'Okay, I'll see you tomorrow morning, early,' she left the room and Ron and I share a look.  
'Oh God, please Ron… don't look at me like that… I'm still Harry Potter.'  
'Well mate, you're gonna have ta change your name in public, you don't want or need those papers finding out about this gender-bender episode.'  
I groan again.  
'That's all I need, more publicity… what should I call myself then?'  
Ron shrugs, 'I donno, you'll always be Harry to me mate… maybe your mum's name? Then you won't forget when me or Hermione call out to you.'  
'Lilly? I think I'll ask Hermione in the morning.'  
Ron took a few steps towards me.  
'What?' I raise an eyebrow up at him. 'You're not gonna crack on to me are you?'  
'No, of course not!' Ron shudders visibly, 'You're like a brother… well I guess sister now,' I throw a book at him and he laughs, 'Nah, I was just thinking… do you still have the scar? I mean, it'll be difficult keeping your identity on the low if you do…'  
'I donno… I didn't check…' I lift my fringe and Ron shakes his head.  
'Nope, it's like new skin mate,' I nod.  
'So… it looks like I'll be able to get away with an alias in public… God, this is stupid!' I rub my temples, 'I think… I'm just gonna go to bed…'  
'Alright mate, I'll see you in the morning… oh, you'll probably need to speak to McGonagall about sleeping arrangements too… you're not exactly male anymore mate… they might shove you in with the girls.' He smirks, 'It'll be the best chance for you to have a little perv while you're in there too.'  
'So, not helping,' I frown.  
'Lighten up mate!' Ron wraps an arm around my shoulders as we head up the stairs to the boys dorm, 'It's not like it's forever, gotta make the best of it.'

Well I certainly don't see him taking it well if he were in my situation.

**A/N  
Phew! Chapter two up and running! I'm about halfway through the third one now so it should be up in a few hours! Just bare with me ladies and gents! I'm working as fast as this dusty brain and sore hand can move!  
Now, tell me… who expected THAT kind of outcome to Neville's potion? =P  
.Mister Jackkkk. ^_^**


	3. Many Different Shapes and Colours

**Something Went Wrong… Severely Wrong!!**

**Chapter Three: Many Different Shapes And Colours.**

'Move it Harry! It's not that bad! We'll just have to get you another bra that's all!'  
Harry has his arms wrapped around his bust.  
'Don't want to go anywhere… can't I just hide out until I turn back to normal? These clothes are tight! My butt feels larger than normal and-'  
'Please stop talking, I don't want to think about your butt, mate,' I glare at Ron.  
'Your butt looks fine,' I smile at Harry, 'Also, we will call you Lilly in public, just to be safe.'  
Harry pouts and I link my arm with hers.  
'This is going to be so much fun!'

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

'How about this one? It looks about your size, try it on Lilly!'  
Harry looks out the window at Ron, who is digging a hole in the snow with his shoe.  
I think he's being very immature not coming into the store with us; they're just bras for goodness sake!  
'Oh! And this one! Green to match your eyes!' I hand the bra to Harry.  
'Why does a bra need to match my eyes? I'm not going to show anyone… and why so many? I don't plan on having breasts for the rest of my life!'  
I roll my eyes and the store attendant raises her eyebrows.  
'Just put it on!'

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

'Finally!' shouts Ron, 'What did you do? Buy the whole bloody store?' I glare and poke my tongue at him.  
Immature, I know but, Harry's a girl now! No more stupid chess or exploding snap! I'm gonna milk this for what it's worth!  
'Now, onto clothes!' I drag Harry towards another store.  
Ron groans, 'Seriously, is this going to take another hour?'  
'We'll take as long as we need,' Harry checks his watch.  
'Not too long though… it's almost lunch time.'  
'Oh, alright, just this one, then we can get something to eat.'  
'Brilliant,' said Ron, his eyes lighting up with a wonderful smile.  
That boy sure likes to stuff his face, and can he eat! I guess I would too if I had his metabolism.

The store has wide windows with dancing dresses in them, green, pink, blue, red; every elegant frill, bow and colour you can think of! Even the not so elegant, just like Muggle clothing. Short skirts, shirts with very low necks… a pair of butt munching shorts kept turning this way and that, trying to entice girls into buying one.  
Upon entering the store I spot Pansy pointing at a pair of very tight trousers.  
'Try them on! Oh, please!'  
'No way!' snarled a pretty girl with her, 'Those ridiculous under garments were enough! There is no way in the name of Merlin's left testicle that I am wearing those!'  
Pansy grabbed the girl by the front of her large robes.  
'Put them on Malfoy or I promise, I can make your female life a very painful one indeed!'  
'Draco Malfoy?' the girl's eyes bulge as she spots me.  
'Oh, get over it Draco!' Pansy stamps her feet, 'Snape said you'll be like this for at least three months!'  
'Three months!' shouts Harry.  
'Hey, better than the five that we thought, mate,' said Ron encouragingly.  
'Are you trying to convince him to wear out clothes?' Pansy nodded.  
'Draco refused to leave Hogwarts in my skirt and sweater, I don't know how you managed to get Potter into some of your clothes,' she said, looking over at Harry.  
'Oh, don't say that, and you should give _her_ another name too, Malfoy's father has been pretty popular in the _Prophet_ lately, it wouldn't be good for either of them to be found out by the papers. I'm sure that neither of them want the whole world to know about this.' Pansy nodded again.  
'You're right… You're not that bad Granger, just don't expect anymore compliments from me.'  
I raise my hands. 'Gotta keep the Slytherin, Gryffindor pride.' She winks.  
'See you later,' she rounds on Malfoy again and points at the trousers, 'Now, those trousers.'  
Malfoy whips them off the hanger angrily and storms towards a dressing room.  
'Right,' I turn to Harry, 'let's get you some nice outfits, Lilly,' I smile at her and she groans.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

40 pairs of trousers, 20 skirts, 60 shirts and sweaters later and we're sitting in the Three Broomsticks for lunch. I did sneak one dress in though.  
It just went with Harry's eyes so well that I had to! A Victorian style dress, green in colour, bustier styled front pushing into a large lace skirt, small bows hung off each hip; a small layer of frilled trim ran across the line of the bust and met in the centre to dip down and hang over the front of the skirt.  
A criss-cross ribboned back traced down to sit right on the butt of the large skirt; it is just beautiful! I don't know how or when I can convince Harry to wear it but, I will!

Ron stood, 'Alright so, it's three butter beers, sandwiches and a jug of water, right?' I nod and Harry puts his head to the table.  
'After lunch we have to get you new glasses. Seriously, I don't see why you haven't bought yourself new ones anyway; they're just awful!'  
'I thought, what's the point of buying expensive new glasses if they're just gonna get broken anyway,' mumbled Harry.  
'Honestly Har-_Lilly_… That is such a poor excuse, besides that's what you have me for! I can always repair them if they break.' I place a hand on Harry's back.  
'So, new glasses, maybe some contact lenses too… you should really have some for Quidditch anyway, oh and we'll have to get you a haircut, it might help calm that mop of yours.'  
Ron sits down, already shoving a sandwich into his mouth.  
'Wha's w'ong wi' his hair?' I wrinkle my nose at Ron.  
'Well, it's not very lady like is it? And Ronald,' he looks up, cheeks bulging and I pull a face.  
'Hmm?'  
'Chew with your mouth closed and never speak with something in it again… please.'

**A/N  
Chapter Three! Any ideas on where I can shove Harry into that dress would be delightful!  
I'm gonna top up on caffeine and then I'll start writing chapter four; clocks ticking!**

**.Mister Jackkkk. ^_^**


	4. I Feel Pretty!

**Something Went Wrong… Severely Wong!!**

**Chapter Four:** **I Feel Pretty!**

I stare into the mirror, frown in place. I don't want to admit it… and I know, swearing over Merlin's blue balls that I'd refuse to admit it out loud but… I feel pretty…  
I turn my body this way and that to examine the well rounded figure in the reflective glass.  
No… scratch that… I look fucking HOT!! I would do me.  
Pansy walks in and I glare at her through the mirror.  
'Oh, come on, you'll have to stop that sooner or later!'  
'Well, I choose later rather than sooner,' I stare back into the frame, 'also… is it really necessary to make me look like a slut?' She dumps herself on my bed.  
'Hey, if you've got it flaunt it and Draco Malfoy my darling, boy! Do you got it!'  
'Don't sound like a lesbian now will you.' I roll my eyes and face her, 'I still think that a short, flowy skirt with a fishnet short over a red singlet is a bit too… underdressed for a party,' I eye her.  
'Oi, I think I look _great_! And so do you! Those skinny trousers look great and that shirt and vest just compliment the trousers! I don't see two sluts here,' she wraps her arm around my shoulders and points us towards the mirror, 'I just see two very fuckable chicks!'  
I remove her arm, 'I'd rather not be fucked, I'm still Draco bloody Malfoy!'  
'Whatever,' she rolls her eyes, 'come on! Time to go!' she swings her handbag over her shoulder, 'it's nine o'clock already! Everyone would be there by now.'  
'So, what's this party about anyway?' I ask as we head towards the door.  
'It's Dumbledore's idea for student body unity, or something like that,' she waves her hand in the air, rolling her eyes again.  
'And it's in the room of Requirement?' she nods.  
'All we gotta do is step back and forth three times and think "the party" alright?'  
I nod.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

_The party, the party, the party._

The door appears and we step through together.  
So far, Dumbledore's house unity plan is a big flop with the houses obviously split into the four corners of the room.  
Pansy lifts her handbag, 'Alright, now that I'm here, let's get this unity thing started over a few dozen, million bottle of Fire Whiskey!'

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

I don't know how many bottles later but, I'm not sitting with Potter at the back of the room with shared disturbia as we watched Weasley and Granger suck face.  
'So?' mumbles Harry and I turn to him… I mean her…  
'So, what?' I ask.  
'How's being a female doing for you?' I smile.  
'I don't mind at aye!' I shift closer on the lounge, sloshing some of my drink down my front, 'opps!' we both giggle, 'anyway,' I flick hair behind my ear, 'I think I make a rather damn sexy girl, hmm?'  
Wait… didn't I say something about not saying that? I donno… Oh, Potter's talking.  
'Hmmm? What?' I blink, trying to focus on him, um… her… whatever…  
'I was saying!' Harry rolls her eyes, 'that I find it absolutely!' she throws her arms about with full exaggeration, 'impossible to see you as attractive,' she hiccupped.  
'Oh really?' I smirk and stand, spilling the rest of my drink, oh well! It's lost forever now!  
I put my hands behind my neck, lifting my hair slightly to show off more skin and begin swaying my hips, 'still don't find me fucking hot, Potter?' I slur.  
She responds with a fit of giggles and rolls off the couch; I help her up with great difficulty.  
'If you're fucking hot, then I'm the greatest Quidditch player of the century!'  
'Try saying that again while you're playing in a skirt Potter,' we have another wonderfully giddy fit and slam ourselves back into the couch.  
'Why do we always fight?' asks Harry honestly.  
''cause you secretly have the hots for me?' I smirk and she shoves me, 'watch the hair!' I touch it, probably doing more damage than she did.  
'No, seriously,' she looks at me, her hands still holding my arms, I can barely feel her touch.  
I shrug. 'how's this?' she blinks and I clear my throat, 'you're wearing a very nice dress tonight,' she smiles. 'Happy now? You got a bloody compliment from Draco fucking Malfoy!'  
'very happy,' Harry whispers and closes her eyes, 'very, very happy,' she places her head on my shoulder, 'and very, very sleepy.'  
'Then sleep!' I throw and arm in the air and she hits me.  
'I can if you stop moving,' I look down at her face, just noticing that Harry isn't wearing glasses tonight.  
'Very… very pretty… you're dress… is very pretty,' I whisper, feeling the weight of my own eyelids.  
'Thank-you,' she whispers a smile graces her lips, 'Goodnight Draco,' I nod.  
'Goodnight,' I repeat.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

I wake up to the stench of vomit over-powering my nose and bolt into a sitting position, causing a groan from someone and what felt like a hammer smacking me in the head a few dozen times in five seconds.  
'What did'ja do that for?' I look to my right to see a blurry-red-eyed Harry Potter groaning as the hangover starts to sink in.  
'Potter?' she groans and pulls a face at me… and then her eyes bulge.  
'Malfoy?'  
'What were you doing… sleeping on me?' she touches her face slowly, rubbing at those dry, green eyes.  
'Er… wha-?' I frown.  
'_YOU_, sleeping on _ME_, _what the fuck?_' I raise my eyebrows.  
'Mmm-donno… 'cause you let me?' I slouch into the lounge.  
'Oh… okay…' my head begins to throb again, 'well, I… I think I'll be going now…'  
'Mmhmm…' vocalized Harry.  
'Um… bye,' I mumbled and he gives me a half-arsed wave.  
I wobble my way towards the door, hand pressed to my forehead trying to remember the whole night and leaving a very pretty, well dressed Potter alone.

**A/N  
Oh, goodness me! Sorry, that took longer than I thought! _  
Anyway, Chapter four if you didn't realize! Hope you like my drunken gender-bender boys!  
I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out of the way tonight!**

**.Mister Jackkkk. ^_^**


	5. Tantrums Away!

**Something Went Wrong… Severely Wrong!!**

**Chapter Five: Tantrums Away!**

I slather jam onto my toast and proceed to shove the whole thing into my mouth.  
'Whose great idea was it to drink on a Sunday night before an exam?' Hermione asks and I grunt in reply; reaching for another piece of toast.  
'How can you be eating anything after last night?' she wrinkles her nose.  
'Well,' I swallow and butter up another one and hand it to her, 'it'll help get rid of that pain in your gut for one thing, also, better bringing up toast than nothing at all,' I shake the buttered toast at her.  
She takes it.  
Harry tumbles into a seat beside me and I hand him a stack of toast.  
'What did you get up to?' I smirk at him; Harry's still Harry, just 'cause he's got female bits, it doesn't make him any less of a male.  
He takes a bite and glares at me from behind those girly new frames; I chew noisily, I'm not happy with the transformation that Hermione has done to Harry.  
'Got up to less than you,' he mumbles, Hermione blushes; Merlin's hat that was a bloody brilliant night!  
'Well, you and Malfoy sure looked chummy when I left last night… or was it early this morning?' I shrug and turn to smirk at him.  
'I can hardly remember most of last night but, we just got talking and then I guess I passed out,' he shrugs.  
'Sure, whatever, don't tell your _best mate_ anything,' I shove another jam covered bit of toast in my mouth; the ache in my gut starting to subside.  
'What? And you're gonna tell me all the details of what you and Hermione got up to? I seriously can't remember much Ron! I drank a shit load more than you!'  
I swallow… Merlin's beard he's moody today… I look around The Great Hall to see besides Parkinson, I'm the only cheery student.  
'Well… I'm off,' I stand.  
'Where are you going?' Hermione raises an eyebrow, 'we need to revise for our Charms exam.'  
'It's Charms, Hermione, I'm sure Flitwick can't fail anyone,' I leave.  
There's someone I need to talk to… I'm not looking forward to the conversation but, I need to know.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

Here I am, standing in front of the Potions chambers and about ready to bolt… I should have brought someone with me into enemy territory…  
'You do realize just staring at the door won't get your answers not will it open Weasley?'  
I spin around and see Snape, eyebrow raised and a box in his arms.  
I resist the urge to glare.  
'What are you after Weasley?' he asks, pushing open the door and stepping inside.  
I stand in the doorway.  
'I want to know how long this potion is gonna take,' he smirks, placing the box on a table.  
'Well, by the rate of the transformation, I'm guessing it should be over by this Friday or the one after.'  
I groan.  
'Was that not the answer you were after?'  
'Isn't there some way that it can be over and done with faster?' he leans in close to me and I stand my ground.  
'Mr. Weasley, if there were a way, why would I tell you?'

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

The Charms exam is simple, write a short essay on how the Charm works and then perform it on the chosen dolls so, Flitwick has less preparations to do for Halloween.  
'The essay part of the exam shall begin now, you have one hour.'

_Charms Essay.  
Ronald Weasley._

_The Charm is used for all kinds of decorating.  
Halloween, Easter, Christmas, etc. etc.  
The movement is two quick jabs towards the object or objects you are decorating, with the word "Orno", which is the Latin word for decorate._

That's good enough; I sit back and begin swinging on my chair and chew on the end of my quill.  
'Mr. Weasley, have you finished your essay already?' I nod and smile around my quill at my awesome coordination, since I'm still swinging and chewing.  
Flitwick charms my chair to the floor.  
'Just sit still and wait for the rest of the class to finish there essays,' he takes mine away.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

'Now for the practical and final part of the exam, you have 30 minutes to complete the decorations.'  
Seamus walks proudly up to a doll in the centre of the room. 'Mr. Finnegan, please… this doll over here is for you,' Flitwick directs Seamus to a doll in the corner of the room, far away from everyone else.

I jab at my doll twice.  
'_Orno!_' the doll twitches and sprouts a sharp toothed grin, boils spring up all over it's face and long red, messy hair snakes out of the dolls head; I frown.  
'Red hair? Seriously!' I snap as the doll gains tattered clothing, Hermione giggles.  
'_Orno, Orno, Orno, Orno, Orno!_' shouts Seamus as he jabs the air frantically.  
I duck as a yellow jet races towards me; Harry was a little less lucky as it hits him in the face.  
'Are you alright mate?' I kneel beside him and push him into a sitting position.  
Harry's eyebrows thin out into neat lines, bright purple and blue eyeshadow forms onto his lids, his lips plump up and turn a rosy colour and his cheekbones slim down with a pink tinge.  
His hair snakes into long, loose curls around his face as the yellow glow fades.  
Harry bursts into tears, the makeup refusing to run with the sudden waterworks and I jump back from him.  
'Look at me!' he sobs, 'now I look even more like a girl!' he wails, 'I hate you!' he screeches at Seamus before rushing out of the classroom.  
I stare at Seamus, jaw unable to reconnect from the drop.  
Seamus shrugs, 'What? I reckon he looks even better now.'

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

By the time I get down to the Great Hall for lunch the rumours of Harry's outburst had already exaggerated to a large degree.  
Stuff from his arse to his breasts increasing to ridiculous sizes and some other stuff about him running to cry on Malfoy's shoulder.  
I threatened a few rumours away, which was hard work, now I'm so hungry I could eat a hippogriff.  
'So, where is he?' I ask, dragging a stack of sandwiches towards me.  
'_She's_ in the common room crying,'  
'Still? Why doesn't he just ask Flitwick to remove it?' I bite into the egg and lettuce sandwich.  
'Because _she_ is still upset,' I frown at Hermione.  
'Well, _he_ needs to get over it,' Hermione throws her fists on the table and stands.  
'You're so under sensitive Ronald Weasley!' she storms out.

I finish my lunch alone.

**A/N  
Sorry! I know I said I'd post it last night but, alas! I got stuck. _  
I hope this was worth the wait!  
.Mister Jackkkk. ^_^**


	6. Rumours and Objections

**Something Went Wrong… Severely Wrong!**

**Chapter Six: Rumours + Objections = Disasters**

'So, is it true?' I ask Draco while lifting my breasts in the mirror; I can't help but, glare at his, how can they be bigger than mine!  
'Is what true?' he throws a shirt at me.  
'Any of it,' I press my boobs together.  
'I don't know what you're talking about and would you stop that!' he wrinkles his nose, 'if you want them to look bigger wear a push up bra or something!'  
'Whatever,' I roll my eyes and pull the shirt over my head, 'Any of the rumours, that's what I'm talking about, the ones with you and Potter. Any of them true?' I raise an eyebrow at him through the mirror as I fluff up my hair, knowing that none of them are true – I just want to piss him off.  
'Looking gorgeous as always Pansy my dear,' chirps the reflective glass and I smile.  
'None of it is true!' he sits up straight, 'we didn't make out, we're not dating, he's not crying on my shoulder and we most certainly _won't_ be friends in this lifetime or any other,' he glares, 'would you like that all in writing?'  
'Oh, Draco,' I smile and wrap my arms around him, breasts smooshing his face, 'you're so sweet but, honestly, no one really cares if you're gay or becoming friendly with Potter.'  
'I'm not gay!' he shoves me and storms out of the room, barreling poor Bullstrode over on his way out.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

Bullstrode and I find Draco shoving Potter up against a wall for all eyes to see that he does indeed hate the boy's guts and every other part of him.  
'What did I do!' Potter's eyes fill with tears and he covers his face protectively.  
'This is your entire fault so, I suggest you do something about it you prat!'  
'Draco! Stop that!'  
'Shut up slut!' he yells back at me, which stung a lot – I'm not a slut!  
'Don't hurt him!' Hermione screams.  
'Drop him now Malfoy! I don't give a fuck if you've got girlie bits, you touch my best mate and I'm gonna flog ya!' Ron threatens.  
'Bring it on inbred!' Draco dumps Potter onto the floor.  
'That's it!' growls Ron and charges at Draco.  
'_No!_' Hermione and I chorus grabbing both by the waist.  
'Fuck off!'  
''Mione lemme go!'  
'You can't Ronald!'  
'What did I do?'  
'Draco, stop it!'  
'Are you bloody deaf woman!'  
'Let them go! It'll be amusing as fuck!'  
'Shut up!'  
'I'm gonna clobber ya!  
'Bring it on Weasel!'  
'Ferret!'  
'SILENCE!'  
We all stop our bickering to see Professors Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore.  
'This behavior is exceedingly immature,' hisses Snape his cold eyes sweep over all of us, 'deduction of 50 points and detentions for everyone involved. Potter, Malfoy, to my office,' Harry sniffs, still on the floor.  
Dumbledore smiles kindly, 'I believe that points should be awarded to Miss Granger and Parkinson for attempting to stop this outcome – oh! Seamus,' his eyes twinkle, 'as amusing it would be to see a female Draco and the very tall Ronald go head to head, it was a very inappropriate comment so, unfortunately I will have to agree with Professor Snape here on the detention.'  
'Miss Granger and Parkinson, would you come with me please,' McGonagall states sternly.

o~O~o~O~o~O~o

McGonagall's office is severely boring, nothing unusual in sight, desk to the back, a few chairs and books. B-O-R-I-N-G! BORING!  
'The reason I brought both of you in here is so, that I can ask you two to keep a closer eye on Potter and Malfoy – I know you two aren't sitting there letting them get into fights but, with the combination of the potions effects and the rumours flying around it spells disaster.'  
'You're telling me,' I roll my eyes.  
'Potter's transformation appears to be a little more advanced than Malfoy's-'  
'Or Potter's just a wuss at heart,' I snicker and the Gryffindor's glare, 'what?'  
'So, I suggest Miss Granger that you try to improve Harry's sudden emotional turn for the worse and Miss Parkinson, please, try to keep Draco's temper to a minimum.'  
'That's nearly impossible,' Hermione rolls her eyes this time, 'have you tried to keep someone who is prone to mental fits from having a mental fit?' I raise an eyebrow at her.  
'Sorry… I will try my best Professor.'  
'Same here, so, can I go now?'  
'Yes, you both can leave.'

I stop Granger in the hallway.  
'Oi, what is up with Potter's waterworks anyway?'  
'I don't know, he's been exceptionally emotional lately; do you know what set Malfoy off?'  
'Well, I'm assuming the rumours, they were chumming at that party and I guess it just shit him off that he was spotted being friendly,' I shrug, 'He's been moody ever since he got back from the party actually, I try to tease but, he takes everything I say so literally!' I giggle.  
'Then it's your fault he attacked Harry!' I shrug again.  
'You wanna know the best part of all this?'  
'Besides Harry crying again?' she spits sarcastically.  
'Most of the rumours come from Slytherins! We're our own worst enemy I tell you what!' I laugh, 'You answer one question and it comes out the other end of the school as gobbly-goop!'  
'What do you mean by that?' Hermione frowns.  
'Well, Bullstrode asked me what was going on with those two at the party – I told her that they were just attempting to get on 'cause at heart Draco honestly finds Potter hilarious and is kind of jealous of him. That night at dinner I get Cho Chang coming up to me asking if it were true that they had sex!' I smirk, 'I said to her "what do you think?" and she ran off gossiping with her mates,' I shrug again.  
'Why didn't you just come right out and say no?'  
'Well, part of me couldn't care less what others have to say and the other part just wanted to see the reaction on Draco's face when he heard the rumour himself,' I giggle again, 'It was rather amusing!'  
'You're terrible,' Hermione frowns again, 'I would have told her the truth.'  
'Come off it Granger! Think about it, Chang came to me for info and not you, my only guess is because if they did have sex you would have told her they didn't and everyone knows that I don't give a crap who's feelings I'll hurt when discussing who is fucking who.' I fold my arms under my breasts.  
'Why? Would you like your sex life advertised all over Hogwarts?'  
'No one really cares! A drunk fuck is like it never happened at all whereas if they were both sober and screwed each other it'd be all over the _Daily Prophet_. It just comes down to a bit of fun, no one is honestly interested, at most the latest "fuck couple" conversations last two days.'  
'Now you're saying it as if they _did_ have sex,' Hermione sighs, 'Just don't tell anyone that they did anything sexual together please, I don't want Malfoy hurting Harry for any reason!'  
'I can't help what flies around Granger but, if anyone asks I'll object to the sexual acts between the two,' I roll my eyes, 'You're such a kill joy, seriously!'

**A/N  
Well, chapter Six! XD So sorry it took forever! I've been a bit busy trying to get a job. Highly unsuccessfully by the way! XD I hope you all liked it! Please leave comments! I love hearing from the readers and whoever comments I'll try my hardest to reply as soon as possible!  
Love Mister Jackkkk. ^_^**


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